Ciara Kelly: Since getting my hips done, I’ve somehow become a gym bunny. A direct debit and a drawer full of crop tops could happen to you too!

Dear reader, your trusted correspondent is writing this week with the aid of a coffee stirrer in the mouth, to pick out the letters on her laptop. This is because I cannot use my arms (or indeed my legs for that matter). It is laborious and painstaking this ‘hunt and peck’ school of typing but my work ethic is such that nothing as small as agonised limbs will stop me getting this missive to you. And what terrible ailment has befallen me such that I am unable to type or indeed stand up, sit down, roll over in bed or walk down the stairs normally? (Also why am I writing in the style of Jane Austen? Your guess is as good as mine on that.) Well, I have returned to the gym after a hiatus of three months.